Before You Fight for Women, Ask If Women Are Worth Fighting With

Before You Fight for Women, Ask If Women Are Worth Fighting With

Some conversations challenge our most deeply held convictions. Recently, I found myself in one such discussion that forced me to confront an uncomfortable reality about women's leadership, one that we rarely acknowledge in public discourse.

When Advocacy Meets Reality

It was supposed to be a casual conversation. Three women, from three generations, gathered around a TV screen when a news segment about affirmative action bills in Ghana's parliament appeared on the screen. Our discussion naturally shifted to women in leadership. What began as a discussion on politics and the devastation of galamsey (illegal mining) quickly unravelled into something deeper, more personal, and painfully honest: the paradox of women in leadership. Esi, a seasoned executive in Ghana’s public sector, and Efua, a vibrant graduate student in her mid-twenties, both interrupted my passionate argument for gender equity in leadership with a startling counterpoint. They didn’t just question the need for more women in power; they questioned whether women in leadership were even worth rooting for.

I was making my familiar argument - women need greater representation in leadership positions, and systemic barriers continue to prevent qualified women from reaching executive roles. Too often, women are appointed to committees merely to check diversity boxes rather than to leverage their expertise.

Then came the moment that stopped me mid-sentence.

Both Esi and Efua, separated by three decades of professional experience, objected not just politely, but emphatically. What followed was not a theoretical debate but a raw sharing of lived experiences that I couldn't dismiss.

The Stories We Don't Tell

Esi shared stories spanning her decades-long career - duties reassigned to junior colleagues simply to assert dominance, pervasive disrespect and arrogance, unhealthy competition fuelled by envy and jealousy. She described a recurring pattern of female leaders adopting an "I've reached the top, now bow at my feet" mentality.

"I become agitated and frightened when I visit an office and the boss there is a female," Efua confessed. "You already know your life is about to become difficult, and you'll most likely be denied the opportunity you're seeking."

I couldn't dismiss their accounts. My own career, spanning nearly two decades, includes similar experiences, particularly what I've come to recognise as envy from older women toward younger colleagues. Yet I've also been blessed with extraordinary mentors, like my PhD female supervisor, who has opened doors and championed my growth at every turn.

The Question We Must Ask

Here's where it gets complicated: if so many women share these negative experiences with female leadership, why do I continue advocating for more women in positions of power?

The answer lies not in denying these experiences but in understanding their root causes.

Unpacking the Structural Reality

Women in leadership positions often operate within oppressive structural constraints that fundamentally shape their behaviour and relationships with other women. Consider these realities:

• The Quota Consciousness: Many women leaders are acutely aware that they were appointed to meet diversity requirements, not because their qualifications are questioned, but because they must constantly prove they belong. This creates a defensive posture that affects how they interact with others, particularly other women.
• The Perpetual Audition: Female leaders frequently face heightened scrutiny. They must be overqualified and still demonstrate their capability repeatedly, while their male counterparts receive the benefit of the doubt. This exhausting reality breeds survival mechanisms that can appear harsh to subordinates.
• Internalised Misogyny: Years of navigating sexist systems leave scars. Women absorb societal messages about their worth and capabilities, then unconsciously project these insecurities onto other women, creating toxic work environments rooted in their own unhealed wounds.
• The Scarcity Mindset: When there's perceived to be only one seat at the table for women, competition becomes inevitable. Why would anyone mentor potential replacements when their own position feels precarious?

I've experienced this personally, the assumption that my opportunities stem from favouritism rather than the qualifications and experience I've worked years to accumulate. These subtle dismissals harden even the most well-intentioned women, shaping their worldview when they eventually reach positions of power.

The Path Forward: Beyond Representation

Although both Esi and Efua expressed indifference toward increasing women's leadership opportunities, preferring to avoid difficult female bosses altogether, I remain convinced that more representation is essential. Here's why, and more importantly, how we must approach it differently.

Transform Representation into Normalisation

The solution isn't fewer women in leadership, but so many that it stops being exceptional. When women's leadership becomes normalised rather than tokenised, the unhealthy competition dissipates. There's no need to guard a scarce resource when abundance exists.

According to the United Nations, at current rates, gender equality in the highest positions of power won't be achieved for another 130 years. We cannot wait. This means both fighting for systemic change and creating our own opportunities.

Build New Tables

Rather than competing for a single seat at existing tables designed to meet UN, SDG, or affirmative action requirements, women must build our own tables. We possess the capability, expertise, and vision to create spaces where multiple women lead simultaneously, where our presence isn't remarkable but expected.

Commit to Intentional Mentorship

This is non-negotiable: women in leadership must make conscious, deliberate efforts to reach out to younger women, mentor them authentically, and advocate for their well-being. The cycle breaks when we choose differently. I never want to hear another 25-year-old woman declare she's against women in leadership so opposed that she'd rather suffer herself than see other women in decision-making positions. This represents a profound failure of collective responsibility.

Create Safe Spaces

One advantage I initially proposed was that female bosses don't make sexual advances toward female subordinates, creating safer work environments. This, too, was challenged. I learned that sexual exploitation by female bosses toward subordinates of all genders is an emerging problem we can no longer ignore.

A Call to Intentional Action

To every woman reading this, regardless of where you stand in your career:

1. Lead with intention. Every interaction with another woman is an opportunity to either perpetuate harmful patterns or model something different.
2. Lead with love. Not sentimentality, but genuine care for the women coming behind you. Their success doesn't diminish yours.
3. Lead authentically. Stop performing masculinity to be taken seriously. Bring your whole self, feminine attributes included and lead with confidence in who you are.
4. Embrace education and self-awareness. We need forums where women across generations can express fears, confront internalised misogyny, and receive support. As Ghanaian agricultural pioneer Tetteh Quashie wisely stated, "If you educate a woman, you educate an entire nation."
5. Prioritise mentorship. Formal and informal mentorship programs are crucial for breaking destructive patterns and building supportive networks.

The Danger of Denial

Here's my word of caution: we must not dismiss, whitewash, attack, or sweep these difficult truths under the carpet. Esi and Efua's experiences and the experiences of countless women like them are valid and real.

Denying these realities will only deepen the crisis. Real progress requires honest acknowledgement of how damaged the system is and how it damages those within it. Only then can we commit to healing individually and collectively.

The Paradox We Must Hold

Yes, some women leaders are difficult to work with. Yes, the reasons are often rooted in structural oppression, trauma, and survival mechanisms developed in hostile environments. And yes, we still need more women in leadership. These truths coexist. The answer isn't to accept the status quo but to transform it intentionally by increasing women's representation while simultaneously addressing the psychological and systemic factors that create toxic leadership patterns.

So, a fifty-nine-year-old female top executive once posed a challenging question to me, Enyonam, for those advocating for women, have you first asked yourselves, 'Are women worth fighting for?'

The question isn't whether women are worth fighting for. We are. The question is whether we're willing to fight for each other with honesty, compassion, and accountability.